Here I go, scream my lungs out, and try to get to you…
Ambivalence is no friend of mine, my friends. It makes me emotional, it makes me super blunt or scared or angry. I’m absolutely terrified. It makes it hard for me to know the right decision, to make the right choice.
Someone I know recently told me it was okay to keep the fact that he was cheating on his significant other away from her because it would cause her more pain, emphasizing that didn’t he deserve a second chance? While I can see the point, doesn’t the person who’s been cheated on get to be the one to make that call? I mean, who gets to grant themselves a second chance without informing their partner?
Sure, relationships end for a variety of reasons. Not all cheating leads to breaking up. It takes a strong couple to stick together after someone has cheated.
Personally, I’m obsessed with doing what I feel is the right thing. I think that people should always come clean when they cheat. They should do it in a timely, respectful manner. They are the person who fucked up and they should be able to come clean. I don’t think I could keep that from my significant other for more than 24 hours, to be honest. I blab too much, and if I don’t, it eats me up even more.
Why people cheat is quite complicated, and I am never going to fully understand it. Why people make such a huge mistake and think that they deserve another chance without telling their significant other to be deemed that chance will always be a mystery to me. Your partner is the one who deserves to make that call. You lost the right when you decided to make that horrible decision to do the wrong thing.
Shit happens, in the moment. It is a huge test of your character how you deal with the situation after it happens and can show the person you are with things that will either make or break your relationship.
But, if you truly loved the person in the first place, completely, with your whole soul, then you probably wouldn’t have cheated in the first place. Am I right?
Something has got to be SIGNIFICANTLY missing for someone to commit such an act against another person, in my opinion. Otherwise, you don’t deserve that other person. I don’t think you willingly destroy the person you love, if you really truly love them.
What do I know? I’m just a hopeless romantic with no luck in these sort of situations. I can only trust the way I feel. And what I feel is not good and that significant others deserve to know then they are cheated on. No matter what. No matter who it’s with. No matter if alcohol or drugs or long lost flirtations or feelings or romantic involvements were at play.
Once you’ve cheated, you’ve already hurt them. They deserve to know and to figure it out themselves. Hiding it does not at all make it right by any means, it only hurts everyone who’s involved.
What is your opinion on this dilemma? Is my strong opinion correct, or are there circumstances where the cheater should keep his or her mouth shut?
Random Ramblings 
RR
First off, you’re writing = awesome.
Though on the topic of cheating… why inflict more pain than necessary. If you were cheating on me, which wouldn’t happen :p, but if you were, i’d not want to know, but I’d want you to break up with me for LEGITIMATE reasons. Lack of ambition, attraction, passion, ect…
I don’t think its necessary to disclose the cheating aspect unless it’s bound to come out through friends or a social circle anyways.
I see where you’re coming from… but, why does the person who cheated cheat? I could argue that it is BECAUSE there is already a lack of ambition, attraction, passion, ect… don’t you think that if you love someone that love should be enough of a reason for you to not cheat in the first place?
and why is it okay for someone to cheat and get a free pass without dealing with the issues at hand that lead them to cheat in the first place? just something that’s been on my mind lately.
Thank you for commenting and for the compliment! It’s always nice to hear positive support!
People cheat when attraction dies. Cheating isn’t about a lack of love. Biologically, a humans purpose is to survive and reproduce. In many relationships, the burning, fiery, steamy passion dies out and so good sex. So it’s very common to find attraction in someone new. I teach modern pick up, which isn’t routines and being fake, but its teaching guys how to find the areas they are confident in, focus on them, and use that passion to create attraction. I see this all the time. In today’s world, guys aren’t taught how to be confident or keep attraction alive. It usually happens one drunk night then goes down from there. And to the rock bottom after children. But I’m working to change that!!
but if it happens once, it’s going to happen again right? unless the guy really works hard at fixing whatever the problem is?
Let’s say…this person cheats on their significant other. They tell the person a while later, not too much later. The person, the one who got cheated on, wants to keep a friendship of some sort but the ‘cheater’ feels too bad and wants to walk away in a sense out of regret for what they did. What would the person, cheated on, do?
I would think that the person who was cheated on would do their best to move forward. I think in the end it’s up to the person who gets cheated on what happens. The cheater already made the mistake and the person who’s cheated on has every right to fight for the relationship or walk away. But they need to know if they do choose to stay and fight it is HIGHLY likely that the cheater will cheat again. Something will need to change drastically for the relationship to work. I think if someone is cheated on the easiest path is to let the other person go. It will take a lot of work to let them stay and to keep working on the relationship.