Frozen.

Have you ever experienced that feeling where the person you are working with/for thinks that you are going to fail, so naturally you completely mess up? That feeling where you are completely lost, losing all memory of what it was you were supposed to be doing. That’s what my student teaching experience has been like. The teacher I was placed with completely immobilizes me, and the people who could make a difference, truly do not understand. It even feels like they might not even care…

I didn’t come to graduate school to be told I should start thinking about other options. I didn’t come to graduate school to be told that I should get my Masters and not my teaching licensure. I came here after years of thinking about this decision and I finally went for it.

First, it was the financial burden. No one tells you that you can get loans to cover your summer credits at my school. No one even offered a scholarship or any other sort of payment plan or additional funding. No one paid any attention to the fact that I would be supporting myself. So I paid them. I paid them the over $7,000 for my summer courses. I paid them the additional $3,0000 in the fall when for some reason my financial aid kept being split up between the fall and the spring and I still owed and had to pay late fees. I paid. I did my part.

Now why is this university completely failing me? They have taken all of my money. They have taken my sanity, because the money that I paid them OUT OF POCKET for my tuition were supposed to be my living funds for the year I was in grad school. I got a job. I’ve worked my ass off despite being completely broke and my school not helping me financially whatsoever. I operated on 5 or less hours of sleep for months.

And now I’m the one who doesn’t get to finish up my student teaching placement this week. I was penalized because my advisor put me with someone that wasn’t a good fit, and didn’t feel right even a few weeks in. But no one listened to me when I asked for help. They waited until it was too late and then offered me a placement that will meet for my summer semester.

Now I am terrified that choosing this profession was all a big mistake, even though it wasn’t. Now I’m terrified that if I don’t make it through this second placement I will be jobless and $50,000+ in debt to a university that couldn’t even do the one job I paid it to do: Get me my licensure.

I know no one is perfect, and I know that everyone has flaws. But when does this end? This was supposed to be my way out of the monotony that was dragging me down in my previous life. This was supposed to mobilize me into my career.

I have about 6 weeks to pass this student teaching. SIX WEEKS. At this point, I don’t care if I get a classroom teaching position in the fall. I’ll sub, I’ll be a teaching assistant again, I’ll keep working in retail.

All I want is to graduate and get my teaching licensure. I could sure use a miracle at this point.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s