roommates.

I haven’t been writing on here lately. I have been writing in a journal but I have been so busy that I haven’t had time to actually fabricate a blog post lately. For those who want to read more, I will be completing a post (or two) soon about all the challenges, achievements, stresses, and health problems I have been having lately.

Today I write a post about something that is gravely affecting me in all areas of my home life. My home is no longer a safe place where I feel welcome. My home is full of tension and anger. I have lived in this home for almost two years and it has not always felt this way. In fact, I used to work really hard to make it homey and welcoming. I used to have other roommates who were pleasant to live with and who remain some of my best friends to this day. I lived alone for two months with one of my current roommates and that was peaceful bliss compared to what it used to be. I do my absolute best to be respectful of the roommates who live here at any given time.

I am writing today since I am at a loss for what to do. I feel like I am pretty close to either exploding or possibly losing it completely, or both. I have spoken to my landlord, my parents, my grandmother, my male roommate, my coworkers, and pretty much every single one of my friends about the issues at hand. I have tried to speak with the problem person but that person becomes agitated with me and ends up being very belittling, aggressive, and insulting.

I guess you could say it started the moment she moved in. Her boyfriend didn’t technically have a place to live for the first month, so he was always here. I minded but also accepted that it was a temporary situation and that he would be getting his own place. He was always here and waiting for her in his car when I got home from work so I would often let him in. At some point, she made boyfriend a key. Boyfriend began to come and go as he pleased. Then, there were multiple fights that were being had at 1 or 2 or 3 (on weeknights) in the morning when I have to get up at 6:30ish for work. There was a lot of door slamming. It began to be a huge issue for me. My insomnia began to spiral. I tried to drop several hints about how I desperately need my rest for my job. I confronted him during one time because all you could hear was “Mike stop!” and it was 3 am. I told him to stop whatever he was doing or leave and he began to insult me. I told him no way, not in my own home. They didn’t fight for a while after that, but it wasn’t long before I was awoken by yet another fight or slamming of the doors.

They seem to forget that the front door is right next to my head. They seem to forget how to shut it quietly and my male roommate has recently told me that every time they slam the door, it makes his bed shake and his dog begins to get upset anytime they are yelling. Speaking of the pets, there was one time where boyfriend left the back door open in the middle of their fight and took off. We have three pets and it was the middle of the winter. I was beyond furious. The next morning when boyfriend was back and his car was blocking me in I verbally asked her for a break. It took 30+ minutes for me to get her to wake up and I was trying to leave to give my friend a ride. She decided that it is okay to block someone in and then lock their keys inside the room with you and not answer when someone knocks. I told her that I needed a break from boyfriend and was not quite sure why his car was even in the driveway. She began to yell at me and say that it was just a car, acting like the car was the only major issue. I explained how my male roommate and I leave our keys on the hooks so that the cars can get shuffled around if need be. She continued to say insulting things and I continued to exclaim that she doesn’t listen to a word I say. At that point I really did feel like she wasn’t even listening to me. We had spent hours that morning consoling her about all the horrible things boyfriend said and did. We went to bed after 3 am. Boyfriends car was in the driveway at 1 PM the next day. That means not even 12 hours had passed before they had made up. When I told her I was LIVID about the door being left open as a reason for why I needed a break from boyfriend being there all the time she told me that I would need to talk to her boyfriend about that. I did some yelling. She threatened to move out and I said good if that’s they way you want to solve this. And I walked out.

I wish that was the end of everything. Obviously things have been tense since that. Obviously I have had a lot of things going on lately that I need to tell people about. I’ve been spending a lot of time in my room avoiding the common areas that I pay to have access to. There are a lot of little things that are adding to the stress: female roommate does not clean, female roommate and boyfriend leave huge messes in the kitchen and get pissed off at me if I leave anything anywhere that they don’t like it, female roommate moves our stuff around all the time but still has multiple unpacked boxes in the dining room, we can’t even use the dining room table because female roommate has decided that is where a HUGE poisonous plant is supposed to live (poisonous to BOTH cats AND dogs), female roommate blew up at me when I cleaned the dining room for my Halloween party (which in turn the next day she blew up at me about the same thing AGAIN via text and I was so upset that I cried all night and had to stay at a friend’s apartment because I felt like I wasn’t welcome in my own home), female roommate has called me names and told me I don’t clean up after myself in very insulting ways, boyfriend lives here and does his laundry here and doesn’t contribute either, female roommate called me loud but I go to bed at 10:30 pm and never can fall asleep because they think that it’s okay to make noise when they want to stay up late, and last but not least female roommate has alluded that boyfriend is abusive and they constantly break up and seek sympathy from the outside world and then get back together and then fight over stupid things like spoons (I wish I had made the spoon thing up- it really did happen). Female roommate also decided that when I pointed out to her that she is in DIRECT violation of the guest policy that it was okay to ignore what I said and boyfriend has basically been living here ever since. There was one month or so where they didn’t stay here but constantly came and went to do their laundry.

Most recently roommate got her own separate clynk account for bottle returns even though she knows full well that we have a home account that I use to buy toilet paper and a whole host of other items for the house. I decided to add fuel to the fire since she was already furious and being super rude when I asked her why she had a separate account. I told her what the past three months of utilities were which I had been avoiding asking her for (1) because frankly I’ve had much more important things going on and (2) anytime I’ve texted her lately it has been horrific and adds more stress to my already stressed out life. She complained about me not asking her for money before and that she had been gone for a month and was not paying that month. I told her she would pay all utilities and was lucky to not be paying half since boyfriend is always here. She flipped out at me and that conversation didn’t go anywhere because I put my phone in my bag and proceeded to focus on the more fun things that I was doing.

I seriously wish I was done. Things are OBVIOUSLY even more tense now that we had that clinic/utilities text battle, but the good part is that it was in a group chat so male roommate can see how awful female roommate is to me (I mean he obviously already believed me and tells me he’s on the same page as me) but it was good for him to see it in person. I wish I was making the next part up. I had easter today with my family. I got back and unpacked my bags and then went in the kitchen to call my dad back and make a cup of tea. She came in, I don’t even know why, I didn’t see her grab anything or whatever. I just stood in front of the stove quietly talking to my dad and then she turned the light off on me. I yelled “seriously female roommate” and she told me “I don’t know what you’re freaking out about.” and then proceeded to walk into the living room and sit on the couch and probably whisper to boyfriend about me. HOW DOES SOMEONE ACCIDENTALLY SHUT OFF A LIGHT? HOW DOES SOMEONE NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THAT? WHO DOES THAT? I am just at the point where I want her to move out right now and I don’t even care. If she does not pay me the utilities I will force the landlord to get involved but he has been very hands off even though I told him she was breaking the guest policy and had made boyfriend a key without anyone’s permission.

I don’t know what to do people. I am sorry it was such a long explanation. I’m sure I forgot something. Our lease ends in two months. I don’t know if I will be able to make it. I can’t possibly talk about this anymore to any of my friends than I already have. I can’t possibly come up with any solutions since she is not open to hearing anyone’s suggestions or criticisms. I accidentally locked her out of the house once when everyone was home and she has not let me forget it and brings it up anytime we argue. We used to be close friends but the more problems we have as roommates the less I want to have anything to do with her. It’s pathetic how selfish she is. It’s pathetic that a 33 year old man crashes at his girlfriend’s house 24/7. I literally think he is here more than I am. I actually have a life and try and get out and do things. Female roommate was mad at me one time because it was 1 am on a weeknight and I told her to be quiet. She told me that I was loud at 2 pm on a Sunday and that we have “different schedules”. I want to point out that I was cleaning the bathroom. I used to get up at 10 am or so on Saturdays or Sundays to clean. I’m not allowed to do that anymore. I’ve stopped cleaning as much and obviously the house is a mess.

What would you do? Has anyone ever had an experience like this? I’ve had small problems with some of my past roommates but all were fixable and the people who I needed to listen always did. What do I do people? I have nightmares about this constantly. I sleep maybe 3 hours a night. I dread coming home after work when I know female roommate or boyfriend is already here. I cook and clean my dinner as fast as I can and I don’t spend time in the common areas unless my male roommate is too. I can’t even make this stuff up.

Someone turned a light off on me on purpose tonight.

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6 thoughts on “roommates.

  1. This sounds absolutely terrible. I wish I had some advice to help you deal with it, but I don’t know what would make the situation better other than your roommate and her boyfriend going on a two month vacation somewhere else. Best of luck!

    • I love the phrasing. If only I could afford to just send them somewhere for the time being. I need to show my landlord her most recent texts about not wanting to pay utilities for december… Maybe he can actually say something this time. Thanks for the luck, I’m going to need it!

    • she wants to sign the lease for another year and my male roommate is on board because they are “broken up” (but they were broken up for 2 weeks and now they are already back together)…. The jokes on him. I’m moving two hours away 🙂

  2. You and I are like far away telepathic best friends now because we totally get each other. My ex roommate is just as bad or worse even. Its like some people are just confused on how to act like a decent human being.

    My ENTIRE blog is just posts about all the horrible stuff I went through with him and I’ve barely even started..

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