The Waiter.

I am now going to tell you about how stupid I was around seven years ago. When I was a sophomore in college, I went home for winter break to stay at my parents’ house. My singleness was ambiguous and unknown at that time. My boyfriend at the time wasn’t speaking to me and then ended up dumping me. In the midst of all that drama, I met The Waiter.

(Side note: The Waiter actually recently contacted me and I stupidly gave him my phone number when I was trying to figure out what the hell he wanted. He ended up wanting to meet up, and then wouldn’t leave me alone for days and days. I ignored him a lot. I was very slow to respond to his messages and he would not take a hint. I was like dude it’s been seven years leave me the hell alone, in my head, but I also didn’t want to be mean or rude. That just isn’t me, unless it’s absolutely necessary, then the inner bitch in me comes out. A lot of things have happened to me since I dated The Waiter and we were actually on speaking terms. Lots of dark and horrible things that there was no way of explaining to him. So eventually he stopped calling. I think he figured out that us meeting up wasn’t going to happen. I might message him in a few months and check in but I am definitely not interested in seeing him or talking every day.)

I met The Waiter when I went back to work at the restaurant that winter. He was cute, he was new, and he was something resembling a bad boy. He smoked a lot of pot and cigarettes, and I did neither of those things. He enjoyed driving his car really fast while I prefer to go the speed limit, comfortably. He and I did that whole long distance thing for the rest of the school year after I went back up. We had some good times but were very different and the long distance was really hard.

I moved back home for the summer and we kept dating. We both worked at the restaurant together. I wanted to keep our relationship a secret from everyone at work but he had already told everyone, including the managers. Shit was awkward. We were very different, like I just said. When I tried pot for him, trying to keep him interested (yes, very intelligent plan, I know. I was 19 and that was the only time I’ve ever tried pot guys, come on), he dumped me. We stayed broken up for a few weeks but he didn’t give me any space outside of work and I saw him almost every day at work. We ended up back together before summer ended, against my better judgement.

I know you’re clearly thinking that I make some pretty great choices, right? Eventually, The Waiter dumped me again after I went back to school and we did the whole long distance thing, again, even though we already knew that we absolutely hated it. We tried, anyways. It didn’t last long before The Waiter informed me of what we already know: that we are two very different people. He then proceeded to break my heart, again.

Months later, The Waiter basically admitted that he always cheats when in a long-distance relationship so I’m assuming that means he cheated on me, too. It took a long time for me to get over the fact that The Waiter had dumped me twice. I was so mad the second time because he told me he was going to become a tattoo artist and that was one of the reasons we couldn’t be together. That was insulting. I’d never seen the kid draw or make any kind of art. I was shocked. I was absolutely baffled. It made no sense to me. The break-up that time was permanent, thank god. It  helps when you don’t have to see your ex-boyfriend every single day at work. Don’t date coworkers. I can’t stress it enough. I recommend shitting elsewhere. Also, the long distance thing should really be avoided, too.

I just wanted to inform you that The Waiter ended up working in airport security as a TSA shortly after we broke up (instead of becoming a tattoo artist). He recently informed me that he is now a barber and doesn’t work at the airport anymore. I shit you not. The boy that was so adamant that he was going to become a tattoo artist wants to open his own salon. I’m all for chasing your dreams but for someone who drives his car around like a maniac and smokes a lot of pot, a job as a barber makes little sense to me. I find it highly amusing.

Seven years later and he was just as annoying as ever, kind of like when he broke up with me the first time. He would not stop calling me night after night for like a week straight and sending me multiple text messages if I didn’t respond right away. It’s so easy to see why young, naive me was sucked into his cycle several times: he’s wicked persistent! Back then I would have found it flattering, and I obviously did, because I fell for it several times. Now, I’m just a bitch. I don’t respond when I don’t feel like responding and I’ll ignore the shit out of people’s calls, no matter who they are. I was okay with catching up with The Waiter but as soon as he began to want to make plans I was like kthanksbye. Seven-years-later-me is rough and hard, and doesn’t really cry. I sobbed both times The Waiter broke up with me and developed my thyroid and insomnia issues that summer due to all the stress he put me under.

I am so glad that I am not as much of an idiot anymore. I can honestly say that guys who text me too much give me weird feelings now, and not a good weird. I’ve had too many guys who, at first, acted like they were super obsessed and then randomly dropped off the face of the earth. I’m wary of all of you fools.




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