resolutions.

Dear me,

I know that most people write a list of new years resolutions that they are going to adhere to (and completely give up on 2 days later) in the new year. I am fully aware of the gratitude that you’ve felt with this coming year, 2016. 2015 was a rough year and you were ready to be done with it, and that’s completely okay.

In 2015, at the very beginning, your aunt passed away. You miss her dearly. It’s not fair that such a wonderful and loving person suffered from pancreatic neuroendocrine cancer for 15+ years. It’s not fair that such an angel was taken from this world way too early. That loss will shape your heart and soul for the year to come.

In 2015, you had your heart broken when someone you wanted to be with more than anything kept talking to you and you had to be the one to pull the plug. It was painful. You’ve spent countless hours missing him and wishing he could have made a different choice. But you did what you had to do.

In 2015, you made a huge mistake. You did something wrong. You tried your hardest to do the right thing, after the fact, and make him pick you. He didn’t pick you. It’s for the better, really. He is stuck in an unhappy relationship and you are single and free. You learned and grew just like he told you to, even though, at the time, you rejected his words.

In 2015, you had a horrible roommate. A roommate who blames you for everything and takes advantage of you in unbelievable ways. You spoke your mind and you tried your hardest but in the end you chose to get the landlord involved. This was a very hard decision and it did not come lightly. After everything that has happened you didn’t want to hurt said roommate since she is also (was) your friend. You don’t deserve to come home every day and feel miserable or to go to work exhausted daily because she woke you up or you woke up 500 times in the night worried that you might get woken up. It’s very important that you put your foot down because no one deserves to get treated how she has been treating you.

In 2015, you took several risks. You applied for a new job and were finally able to leave a job that you had been miserable at for years and years. You’ve been at your new job for two months now, and things are only improving. You have a great boss who you can talk to and several very supportive coworkers. You also took a risk at the end of the year and made a life-changing decision. There are no guarantees about any of it, but you’re ready to move mountains, and that’s what’s important.

In 2015, you became moody for months and months and spent a lot of time coloring and watching tv. You became reunited with watercolor painting and yoga and learned how to spend more time doing the things you love. You took several breaks from writing, missing it the whole time, but not quite knowing how to get back into it. You went rock climbing for the first time, ever, despite your fear of heights and you ran your second 5k, alone and in the rain. In 2015 you checked out several library books, multiple times, and forgot to read them. Your overdue library fines were over $5.00.

In 2015, you finally realized that you are fine just the way you are. You finally realized that being single is okay and it is actually more desirable than being with someone who is absolutely horrible to you. You are better off alone if someone is not willing to move mountains alongside you. Being happy with yourself is a hundred times more rewarding than being in an unhappy relationship. You finally accepted that it gets better. It took so many tiny baby steps but you are here and you are ready for the next chapter to begin.

In 2016, you’re going to take more risks. You’re going to go on dates and put yourself out there romantically. You’re going to hopefully make the biggest decision of your career in the next few weeks, but it will be okay, no matter how it turns out. In 2016 you’re going to run more, do more yoga, and paint your heart out until you can’t stop yourself anymore. You’re going to actually read the books you check out from the library, even if it takes you weeks at a time. In 2016, you’re going to write. You’re going to write so much you practically will have a novel. Mostly, in 2016, you’re going to keep loving yourself and keep surrounding yourself with positive, inspiring people. You are absolutely, positively, more than ready to move some mountains.

Love,

me

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2 thoughts on “resolutions.

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