urges.

I woke up
in the middle of then night
ready to take flight
ready for a fight
ready to have you
hold me in your
enveloping arms

you weren’t even here
that was just a dream
you aren’t anywhere
anywhere close
or anywhere
nearby

I then have
the sudden urge
to contact you
to check up on you
people who are in my dreams
randomly like that
sometimes aren’t okay

but you’re not my responsibility
anymore
you never were
simply because you
never wanted to be

it doesn’t matter
how much I care about you
how much I cared for you
how much I would have done
anything to be with you

it doesn’t feel right
still
after all of this time
why are you in my head
get out of my head

if I look back
I can see you
if I look forward
it’s unclear
I’m fighting uncertainty
I can never
undo what you’ve done

my urges
will get me nowhere
it doesn’t matter
whether you’re okay
whether you want me
whether you’ve moved on
to another
my urges
will cause nothing
to happen
will prevent nothing
from happening

I could be the prettiest girl
in the whole wide world
waving myself around
right in front of you
and it wouldn’t make
any difference

I know that you’re gone
I know it
but I don’t feel it
I think I might be
losing my mind
the only thing
I can do
is fight
All I can do
is fight you away

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2 thoughts on “urges.

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