Oh I know I haven’t been writing lately and the last thing anyone needs from me is a rant… but… I just can’t help myself. I’m doing it anyways.
Couples… Couples… Couples… You are everywhere. You are in the media, you are in the grocery store. You are in my home. You are all over the stupid timeline on my Facebook. You are stalking me. You don’t leave us single people alone.
There is nothing I like less than when I am already having a bad day to be reminded that I am all alone. Maybe if I was casually dating, or in a relationship, or committed to the Dinosaurs or some other thing, then it wouldn’t bother me as much. The thing is, even if you are in a relationship… IT IS OKAY TO BE YOUR OWN PERSON.
It is more than okay to go to the grocery store alone. It is more than okay to have alone time at your home. It is more than okay to sleep alone every now and then. You are your own person, you are not “a couple”. It’s okay to meet up with some friends for coffee or drinks and leave your significant other at home.
IT IS NOT OKAY TO FORGET ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE BUT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. I’ve been making excuses for multiple people. It’s not okay to become so absorbed by your significant other that all you do without them is go to work and go to the bathroom. I mean, come on. I’ve been in relationships before. I enjoy my alone time but, holy hell, I made sure to reach out to my friends.
I get that in the first couple of months or something there’s all that excitement of it being a new relationship but it’s not okay to shut people out when you’ve been together for a year or more… I mean… come on. Why do you even have friends at that point? So you can just ignore them and pretend they don’t exist when they are the ones who actually reach out to you? I don’t usually know when to give up on people, but I guess it has to happen inevitably.
IT IS NOT OKAY TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU CHANGE SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF. Even something as simple as telling you that you can’t wear a specific article of clothing or controls whether you can have a girl’s night or a boy’s night. You are your own person. You may go out with your friends whenever you want. You clearly make time for your significant other but you also need time for you and to spend time with the other people that you care about. No one is worth changing anything about yourself, ever. I’ve learned this from experience. Each time you change something for someone, you lose more and more pieces of yourself, and nine times out of ten, it’s not going to work out in the end.
IT IS NOT OKAY TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO HITS YOU, BELITTLES YOU, MAKES FUN OF YOU IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, MANIPULATES YOU, OR CHEATS ON YOU. Why do I constantly repeat this in my writings and to my friends? What makes it okay for someone to twist your arm and pin you to the floor when they are angry? What in god’s name makes it EVER okay for someone to cheat on you or to call you horrible names? It is not okay to stay with someone who is abusing you in any way. There are resources out there to help you get out of shitty situations. I know you think it’s love, but the kind of love you deserve is not going to leave you with scars or unhappiness.
THE KIND OF LOVE YOU DESERVE IS REAL LOVE. It does not envy or boast, it does not involve cheating or lies. The love you deserve includes always being told the truth no matter what, the least amount of fighting possible, no slamming doors, no angry tears, and no one making you feel guilty about what you wear, do, feel, say, or believe.
The kind of love you deserve is the kind of love where you feel cherished, secure, and trusted. The kind of love you deserve is the kind of love where you have time for you, your friends, your family, your pets, and then your significant other. You should have time for your job and your hobbies and interests, and THEN your significant other. Your significant other should never take up all of your spare time. Someone who deserves to be with you is someone who is not going to suck up all of your time, chew it up, spit it back out, and then demand more. The kind of person who deserves you is the kind of person who gives more than they take and still keeps on giving even when they are mad or frustrated. The kind of person you deserve is someone who would NEVER take their anger out on you or hurt you for personal gain.
I have to keep believing that there are people like this out there somewhere and that maybe someday I will find one of them for myself. Don’t settle, folks. No one deserves the kind of pain I am unfortunately witnessing almost on a daily basis and have also experienced myself. I wish that I could protect each and every one of you but you need to stand up and protect yourself. There is someone magically awesome waiting out there for all of us.