There is some positivity on the horizon, for me, guys. A reader was kind enough to repost one of my latest posts here:
I am really appreciating all of the support from everyone! I’ve felt so positive lately that I’ve been applying for a few entry-level writing jobs, just in case… because, you never know, right?
Last week, I practiced Spanish online for over two hours and completed my 100th Random Ramblings post. Today I ran over a mile on the treadmill and yesterday I ran a mile. I biked at the gym for 5+ miles over the past two days. I painted for two hours last night and read a book for hours. I am doing my absolute best to start focusing on myself, even when I feel like I might begin to drown again.
I have put myself on the line, over and over, with relationships, and it’s just not working for me. So, I am going to do what’s best for myself, and just spend a lot of time focusing on me. I am all I have, besides family and friends, of course, and I need to start believing in myself.
I feel the horizon creeping up on me, in a good way. I feel the sand beneath my feet (figuratively, because lately it’s been so cold and rainy in Maine, for no reason) and the wind on my face (yep, pretty sure that’s figuratively, too.)
Today the sweat was dripping down my face and I did not feel tired so I told myself you can run for one more minute. And then I did. The next minute came, and I told myself you can keep going, again. I ran until my legs felt like jelly. I ran until I felt like I was panting instead of properly breathing. I ran because for a split second I felt as though I had the world in my hands and I took it, for what it’s worth.
I want more than what I have, and I know that I can get it. I see people from high school having careers at google and amazon and major consulting companies in Boston, and I know that I deserve it too. I know that I work just as hard as my peers who are so successful, and it pushes me to do the best I can do. It pushes me to apply to jobs that I am not qualified for, to write poetry, to paint, and to put myself out there when I meet new people.
Believe in yourself. As often as you can, even if it’s for a split moment when you feel the horizon creeping up on you, and the figurative wind on your face.