I’m trying really, really hard these days not to feel hopeless.
I’m finding that I just don’t know what to do with myself. I just checked my credit card statement, that I barely use, and of course… I got a late fee on the same day I got a fee for not using my card. Go figure. I have so much free time and so little free time all at the same time that nothing seems to get done and everything seems to pile up and constantly stress me out.
I just want a chance for something new. Is that too much to ask? I don’t even need anything to pan out. Just a shot. An interview. A date. Something extraordinary that seems ordinary to the naked eye, or ordinary person I guess. Something that doesn’t mean anything to anyone but me.
I just need a sign. I know I’ve been saying this for months but I really do need a sign.
I’ve joined a local yoga practice for the next month. I tried rock-climbing even though I am terrified of heights and would definitely do it again. I’ve walked 5+ miles, at a time, by myself and even ran a half mile, trying to get myself ready for my 5k at the end of June. I’ve thought of stories I want to write. I’ve even made two people paintings for their birthdays/graduations. I’ve spent more money on clothes than was necessary and I bought myself 2 Alex and Ani bracelets (on sale, of course, from Nordstrom Rack…) And of course, the sun is out, and beach weather is finally approaching.
I’ve read my Aries horoscope, both single love, daily, and weekly, and I try and read between the lines to see if they actually come true. They keep telling me “romance is in the air” every single freaking day. There is no romance here. There is an impossibility to meet men in this city, and I don’t think I’m the only single woman who thinks that.
All I need is one sign. I’m feeling the strain every single day of wanting something more. I need something to happen before I become completely hopeless and stop doing all these wonderful things (and shopping) to keep myself busy.