today.

Today was just one of those days… where you cringe at how horrible work was. You wish there was something you could have done to just say to yourself “shut your mouth. Just shut the hell up.” (to yourself).

I think that I don’t have a filter sometimes, which is probably why I enjoy blogging so much.

Even when I am keeping up with my blog I can’t seem to stop getting myself into awkward unnecessary situations at work. Damn myself.

My work day was horrible, and following that, I went to staff meeting where I was told off. I love working with children, but sometimes my job makes me feel like I don’t need to do it anymore. That realization is really sad for me. Working with all kinds of kids is my passion but I find myself wondering about other careers lately.

I came home, close to tears, and went to check my email. There was a Valentine’s Day special price for the Color Run in one of my emails. I ran it last year with some friends, so I signed up again. I haven’t been running lately, mostly due to my complete avoidance of being outside or going to the gym.

This goal is a tangible goal that I can work for. I can actually do this. I have no control over which job hires me, or if the people I work with like me, or if other people talk to me rather than talking about me behind my back. I have no control over if my boss is going to tell me off on a particular day or not. I can make myself train for this 5k.

I am still feeling quite emotionally lost and ready for something, for once, to look up for the better. I am ready for someone to, for once, tell me that I am doing a good job at work with something. I’m ready to be around people who actually give me compliments or talk to me directly when I am making a mistake instead of passing it around to five different people before it gets back to me.

Also, in staff meeting, we talked about how people have negative bias meaning that they tend to remember the negative things that people say to them or about them and forget the positive. I forget the positive completely lately. They also said that to counteract this effect, people should give SIX TIMES more compliments than they do negative statements. SIX TIMES!!!!

I think I am about to lose my mind. I am about to experience some major burnout. In a profession where every day is challenging and can be absolutely mind-bogglingly fucking terrifying, nobody has anything positive to say to each other.

My challenge to anyone who reads this blog post is to try and start giving compliments whenever you can. Genuine, heart-felt compliments that will make someone’s day. You never know when someone is already having a horrible day and your negative comments will bring them down and burn them just that little bit more than they were already burning themselves.

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