jealousy.

I need to know something. Dear readers, if you are able, please comment because I need to know more about this topic.

A guy makes some comment about jealousy to you. He has been jealous of other guys around you in the past. The comment is snuck in there and you don’t really understand it at all.

Do you brush it off, take it at face value, or become hopeful?

I am coming out of that dark place. So my reaction is to be hopeful. Am I just screwing myself over again? I’m not sure.

If I brush it off that will keep me from getting hurt again. If I take it at face value and simply accept that the guy has problems with jealousy, and it probably has nothing to do with me, that probably will keep me from getting hurt again. If I am hopeful, and it meant nothing, then I will get hurt again.

I think he’s worth the risk. I might be completely insane. I might need to take a step back and calm myself down. Here’s the thing, though. After he made the comment about jealously we had a discussion about how you can’t always control the way you feel.

I really believe that you can’t always control the way you feel. I think there’s a reason we are still talking. I think most of everything happens for a reason.

If I don’t brush it off or take it at face value, I might get hurt again. I think it’s worth the risk.

I could be just setting myself up for failure. After all, us women can uncontrollably feel jealousy, too.

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11 thoughts on “jealousy.

  1. β€œJealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.”

  2. I agree with mihrank. Even if he is truly jealous, I would still brush it off. I don’t know the details so I can’t speak for your situation, but I would assume that’s not the type of relationship that you want to get involved in. I had my heart broken by my first love in December 2012 and it took me every bit of a year and a half to overcome that. Take time to focus on yourself. I didn’t date much in that time frame and I’m so thankful for that because I have not only found a healthy relationship with an amazing man, but I also have more confidence in myself than I ever imagined possible. You’re clearly a smart girl and willing to introspect – find someone who will reciprocate once you’ve made peace with your own self-discovery.

    Wishing you all the best! And thank you so much for the follow – I really appreciate it πŸ™‚

    • Yeah I am definitely not ready to date other people, at all. I still want to be with him despite all of his emotional immaturity. I am so glad that you were able to find someone amazing to be with! I am on a journey that I have no idea where I will end up. Thank you for reading and commenting! πŸ™‚

  3. This is a broad subject, where I need some clarification to see exactly where you are coming from. Who is this guy? In other words, is it someone you work with/see/communicate with often. Are there feelings between you guys, which you have both verbalized to one another? Are you interested in initiating a relationship of sorts with him? Since you referenced coming out of a dark place, how long ago was that relationship?

    • This is the same guy that ended things with me at the beginning of October. I’ve tried to talk to other guys, and I am finding that I just am not interested in them. I think there are feelings between us. He keeps talking to me despite his insecurities. I would definitely give it another shot with him, I just think he is scared. I also am very cautious of his feelings. I am the kind of girl who when I know what I want- I know. And I know I want him despite everything. I am kind of foolish in that respect. My feeling is- and I do this to guys who like me but I do not like them back, even though I know it’s extremely tacky- if he didn’t like me at all, he would stop responding. He would not initiate text conversations. But I haven’t seen him in a month. So who am I to decide what he’s feeling if he is not sure? I know I deserve someone who is sure. But he is the only guy that I want right now.

      • I’m sorry you are left in a situation as this. Feelings can be very, very complex at times with mind-blowing confusing twists. It’s normal for the guy not to know exactly how he feels towards you, many people bump into this problem. I can relate to you, not knowing what to do when he isn’t even sure. The only thing I can advise you to do, is to let him figure out his world first (his feelings, his needs, what he wants, etc.) before you jump into it once again. Maybe within this time, you can figure out whether you want to take the risk of getting hurt. I know life throws many scary situations at us, but I think risks are what pushes us forward and builds this platform to walk on. If you don’t do anything that scares you, you might not end up doing anything at all. If you get hurt, you can always get back on your feet and keep walking (even if it takes some time). But if you don’t try it and take the leap, you might end up wondering what could have been if you had taken the chance. It’s your choice.

      • ahhh so well said! I definitely need to give him space. I am terrible at this. I am like afraid of playing mind games on him, I don’t want to be that girl who is always ignoring someone on purpose and what not… so we’ll see. I need to just not text him and let him do what he needs to do, like you said.

  4. Go with your gut feeling in the moment. Life can play out in so many ways and it’s the decisions you make that help you turn corners. Bad experiences aid to understanding, good experiences aid to life. Everyone can get jealous from time to time. I however have an extreme issue with jealousy, I rarely ever get jealous which can be deemed as a bad thing as well as a good. But I always say that it’s fine if they go flirt with someone else, my jealousy would only make me weak if that were to happen.

    I remember this guy that I refer to in my latest post, used to constantly attempt to make me jealous during the time he was manipulating me because he obviously wanted to see me weaken against my boyfriend to beg for him. He would send me hundreds of pictures of women and celebrities that were sometimes inappropriate and talk about how attractive they were. I would merely agree or not care. He HATED it! Every time I did the same, even if it was just one picture, he would go into a horrid mood and complain about how jealous I was making him because he liked me so much. The truth is, he partly had reason to be jealous because he was in a very poor relationship at the time which is what I think fuelled this insane jealousy. Me and my boyfriend don’t have any issues with jealousy because we know we only want each other.

    I do believe history is what fuels jealousy and experience, but jealousy can be really really unhealthy and cause many arguments. As long as you give the guy reason to not be jealous, maybe the jealousy will go away on it’s own when he realises that there is no need to be jealous because you so desperately want him. The ONLY time jealousy becomes an issue is when the partner tries inducing jealousy onto you for his own ego and kick, or when the jealousy becomes so out of control you’re being heavily controlled. That’s what I would say! Personally – Go for it. Brush it off. Because you have no idea what kind of jealousy it is until you’re together, you don’t know if it’s going to just go away or not because you could have an amazing relationship, or you could just love the element of jealousy that he has. Whatever you are wondering – go for it. You don’t know how it will affect you until you try.

    I also agree – you can’t help how you feel. But you can make certain decisions to stir away from certain feelings. Like for example, you could hate someone’s opinion on feminism, you don’t have to have a go at them for it. You could (like me for example) have liked someone outside of the relationship, but chose to tell your boyfriend straight away and stay honest and decide on how far you would take it. Despite not being able to control how much I liked this guy, I knew I’d be happier in myself if I kept denying his advances and doing my best to not latch onto his manipulative words. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control your actions.

    Hope that helps this discussion! πŸ™‚

    Whim xoxo

  5. To add clarification: Obviously, it’s not ok for him to go flirt with someone else. Usually they expect a reaction, they want you to react. The best thing would be to not get jealous and not to care because then they are gaining nothing. If that makes sense? I take this from when that guy I mentioned used to flirt with other female work colleagues in front of me, I used to encourage it and not care, which wasn’t what he wanted. The jealousy would be an ego boost to him. My boyfriend however wouldn’t flirt with anyone else, I know him well enough to know he wouldn’t. If he did it would be out of character, and maybe in that moment I would get jealous because I know it’s not a regular occurrence and something a little more serious than just expecting a reaction. – understand this guys personal jealousy and why it’s there and what he is jealous for.

    The risk is worth taking, but as soon as you begin to feel unhappy or feel your time is being wasted, leave. Don’t stew for years and years with this jealousy being a prominent problem. Leave in that situation because you have to – not because you want to. But it’s early days, you don’t actually know what will happen until you try! πŸ™‚

    I also understand I could easily be wrong! So I’d appreciate a counter argument!

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