I haven’t been updating this blog lately. I’ve been slacking. I’ve been avoiding life. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt this defeated, this exhausted. I have been late to work every day, and avoid going home by staying at work as late as I can.
I’ve been coming home and filling my time with avoiding cooking and watching criminal minds. It honestly makes no sense to me why I watch such a depressing, dark show when I am so down and depressed. I’ve found lately that life is not making much sense to me.
I have not been able to accept this break up. I have not been able to go a day without thinking about how much of a mistake I think it is for us to be apart. I have not gone a single day without missing him, without praying that he will come back. I have not gone a single day without hoping that he could just like me as much as I like him.
But, today is my one year anniversary with wordpress. One year ago, in a sea of desperation and loneliness, I started this blog to connect with my creative side.
I have over 90 followers. I never thought I could do that. I never thought anyone would want to hear a thing about what I have to say. I have met some great online people through this blog. I am so thankful to each and every one who reads my posts and clicks like and comments.
I am so thankful that in the past year I have made some great friends so I don’t feel so lonely anymore when it comes to friendships. I am so thankful that I was able to share my story about my horrific break-up with my cheating ex and all the things that have plagued me. I am so thankful I have been able to talk about the things that make me strong. I am so thankful I was able to do my first 5k and it didn’t completely suck. I am so thankful that I have found a home here and that people continue to be supportive of me even when I stink at updating this in a timely fashion.
Right now, my friends, I am not feeling strong. I am feeling weak. I am feeling the darkness that I was pushing away so hard. I am not walking or running or doing anything with my life. My room is a mess and there are pimples on my face for the first time that I can remember.
However, I have this blog and I will continue to do my best to ramble on randomly.