anniversary.

I haven’t been updating this blog lately. I’ve been slacking. I’ve been avoiding life. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt this defeated, this exhausted. I have been late to work every day, and avoid going home by staying at work as late as I can.

I’ve been coming home and filling my time with avoiding cooking and watching criminal minds. It honestly makes no sense to me why I watch such a depressing, dark show when I am so down and depressed. I’ve found lately that life is not making much sense to me.

I have not been able to accept this break up. I have not been able to go a day without thinking about how much of a mistake I think it is for us to be apart. I have not gone a single day without missing him, without praying that he will come back. I have not gone a single day without hoping that he could just like me as much as I like him.

But, today is my one year anniversary with wordpress. One year ago, in a sea of desperation and loneliness, I started this blog to connect with my creative side.

I have over 90 followers. I never thought I could do that. I never thought anyone would want to hear a thing about what I have to say. I have met some great online people through this blog. I am so thankful to each and every one who reads my posts and clicks like and comments.

I am so thankful that in the past year I have made some great friends so I don’t feel so lonely anymore when it comes to friendships. I am so thankful that I was able to share my story about my horrific break-up with my cheating ex and all the things that have plagued me. I am so thankful I have been able to talk about the things that make me strong. I am so thankful I was able to do my first 5k and it didn’t completely suck. I am so thankful that I have found a home here and that people continue to be supportive of me even when I stink at updating this in a timely fashion.

Right now, my friends, I am not feeling strong. I am feeling weak. I am feeling the darkness that I was pushing away so hard. I am not walking or running or doing anything with my life. My room is a mess and there are pimples on my face for the first time that I can remember.

However, I have this blog and I will continue to do my best to ramble on randomly.

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11 thoughts on “anniversary.

  1. I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. Blogging really is a great outlet and I find that the more you blog, the more lovely people you will meet. It’s funny the impact a stranger on the Internet can have on you. Some of the best advice has been given to me by my followers.
    When I’m going through tough times, my mantra is “this, too, shall pass”. It’s a clichΓ© but it really helps πŸ™‚

  2. “I am so thankful that in the past year I have made some great friends so I don’t feel so lonely anymore when it comes to friendships. I am so thankful that I was able to share my story about my horrific break-up with my cheating ex and all the things that have plagued me. I am so thankful I have been able to talk about the things that make me strong.”

    This is the beauty about connecting with people having no desire to bring you down or keep you stagnant, like a ship’s anchor. Instead, they want to see you uplifted, moving forward and progressing. These people do not want you to remain alone, and are interested in keeping the light on, during those days you are feeling immense darkness. That is the beauty of people who want the best from you, as opposed to yearning for your worst.

    Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.”

    • I love the quote! It’s so true! I am so glad to have made new friends and removed some of the negativity from my life. Now, if I could just get myself off of the couch and to the gym. Thanks for reading and all of your positive energy πŸ™‚

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