relationships.

Sometimes, a relationship ends long before it is really over. Some relationships end way long after they have run their courses. Lastly, although I’ve never experienced this myself, there are relationships that end right on time. That’s what I’ve been told, anyways. Mutual break-ups, when it was what both of the people wanted at the time. It sounds so comforting to me.

My relationships have been nothing but heart ache for me. There are the ones where I let them go for too long, for example, one of my two boyfriends I had in high school where I was so unattracted to him by the end of the relationship that I knew in my heart he had to go. I was so young and foolish at the time. I would give anything to be young and foolish again.

Then, there are the relationships that drag on, painfully, when the couple is so used to being together that they can’t imagine being apart. There are things that are happening that go unnoticed or ignored, at the detriment of one of the people in the couple. People cheat, lie, and lead secret lives behind their significant other’s backs, and it only becomes apparent when it’s finally out in the open. Otherwise, the hurt person, most of the time, has an idea of the wrongdoing, but it’s stored deep in his or her subconscious and only affects the person in ways they aren’t even aware of.

There are the relationships where things end too soon. I have experienced these kinds of relationships the most. They are extremely painful. They involve people not communicating effectively or willing to work on effective communication or being open to communications that someone is providing. They involve at least one person getting hurt. They involve a lot of tears and confusion and not really fully understanding what went wrong. These break-ups are stifling and take a lot of time to get over. There is usually not a culminating event like a big fight or an exposure of cheating, but it’s something so small and pathetic that someone let stay in their mind instead of letting it out.

People, you have to let the thoughts and actions out. It’s not worth keeping it in for the damage it does internally or the damage they then inflict on the other person. It’s not worth losing your relationship too soon.

Now, I am not a relationship expert, because let’s face it, my relationships have been about zilch lately. I have experienced more than my fair share of broken hearts. I think I have only broken up with a guy once, way back in high school, and for the rest of them, I have been the one who has gotten dumped. Maybe that makes me a break-up expert.

I can tell you that finding out someone cheated on you, although heartbreaking at the time, is a clear-cut break up. It might be painful, insulting, abusive, and even depressing, but you know that it is time for that cheater to go. These relationships that don’t have a clear-cut event that lead to the end are some of the hardest things that I have had to deal with during my quarter century on this planet. I would love to be a kid again, playing with my toys and imagination, but, I am an adult. My imagination oftentimes gets the best of me. I can see the good in people even when they hurt me. I have faith in people who probably don’t deserve it or appreciate it. I have been broken so many times and in the end I wonder if I am doing it to myself. I wonder what it would be like to have a rewind option and try it over again, and what decisions I would make or what I would do differently.

There are things I would change about my recent heart break. I might not even get involved in the first place, knowing what I know. And I might have gotten involved sooner. Just so that there was the tiniest possibility that I could spend more time with this person. I am not done spending time with him, but he is done spending time with me. And there’s nothing more painful than realizing you have been left, in the dust, again, after putting in so much effort.

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