beauty.

I have to keep on reminding myself, keep on pushing myself. There are greener pastures ahead. They exist. And, with luck, effort, and a little bit of positivity, I can get there.

This week I have been so grumpy with myself, angry that people are with their significant others or other friends, and that I am home alone with my cats. Well, at least my cats like me. That’s a start…

Tonight I forced myself to stop moping on the couch and watching bones for hours at a time again. It’s a nice way to end the day, but not the way I need to spend all the hours I have after work. It doesn’t make me feel better to watch it for hours either, especially when I am feeling down.

I forced myself to get a few things done. I made some phone calls that I had been putting off and in the end, they took five minutes, tops maybe ten. I paid some bills and swept the kitchen floor. I put away the laundry I had done on MONDAY evening.

Holy shit I feel better. I didn’t even do all that much. They were all little things, but they added up to an indescribable lift off of my shoulders.

At the end of it all, I packed a bag for the gym. I went once last week, and I will go once this week. It’s a start. Exercising my body will help my brain.

Now that I am feeling better, I can appreciate the beauty of life. The fact that I have the ability to get all of these things done. The fact that I have great friends and a great family who support me. The fact that the greener pastures might be right around the corner.

I can taste change.

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