ugh.

This post is going to sound a little bit complaint-centered. However, I do feel like I have been really struggling lately.

First of all, I have absolutely no time management skills in any way, shape, or form. I completely lack the ability to organize my time efficiently.

This has been excruciating the past week or so. I didn’t blog or get to read any blogs or spend any time reading books like I wanted to. I haven’t started anything for the writing challenge I am supposed to be a part of that began last Monday. I didn’t do anything productive: my room is still a mess; no cleaning or projects around the house were accomplished. So yes. My home is a mess. And so is my freaking head.

I must have ADHD or some undiagnosed disorder that keeps my attention bouncing from one thing to the next, because otherwise, I am at a loss for what the hell I do with all of my time. I have never been able to go to bed early, which ends up killing me and causing my insomnia to worsen and for me to become more tired and more irritable.

I need to change gears and emphasize yet another way in which I have been struggling.

I saw the hot guy at the local bar that I frequent. Remember, the one from the field trip who talked with me about toilets? Who also sort of reminded me that I am not an alien and there might be romantic hope for me yet?

Yeah, him. I saw him in the bar that I go to almost every weekend, all year long. What do I do? Of course, I absolutely choke. It didn’t help that the only person with me, my roommate, really wanted to go home, and didn’t quite understand the desperate situation at hand.

Later on, in the car, she told me how she should have been a better wingman. She was not in the mood to be helpful, that’s for sure. She told me to just go up to him and talk to him. Of course, only one drink in and I am absolutely panicked at the thought of even making eye contact with him, let alone SPEAKING with him.

So, her plan was to walk by him. That obviously didn’t work. And then I stared at him in his cute red shirt from the other side of the bar, and he didn’t even notice me. I even was wearing a cute black dress and heels and full make-up. Just goes to show you how I have been miserably failing at life.

And today, I have the chance to at least say hi to him at work, and what do I say? “Do you guys need this room?” I’m so smooth.

I also failed miserably when aforementioned roommate’s cousin was hitting on me this weekend at the lake house. I was just tired of being forced with awkward situations that I just pretended not to hear him.

My close friend asked me if I like aforementioned roommate’s cousin and I told her I feel like I have lost the ability to like men. Don’t get me wrong, I am attracted to multiple men all the time, like crazy. But I don’t even have the capacity to form feelings towards guys. The next day, the feelings go away. That’s not going to work if I am dating someone or in a relationship.

So yes, ugh. How do I get back on track with everything? How do I figure out how to actually be productive? How do I find all the answers about what I am supposed to do with my life? I am not trying to sound depressed, at all. I’m not. I am just struggling with how to become less ugh and maybe get my life back together somehow.

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