There is nothing that I hate more than when someone tells you a secret that’s so tantalizing, so luscious, and then they tell you not to tell anyone else.

And it’s a secret you know that if you DID tell someone, there would be dire consequences. Eventually, they will tell other friends, and then you have to pretend to be absolutely clueless. You have to put on that innocent face that shows that you didn’t know anything. Someone is probably going to be mad, whether it’s the secret-generator or the friends-who-haven’t-been-told-said-secret.

Yikes. I have this ethical dilemma lingering inside of me, wondering what I should possibly do to help this secret-generator. My friend may need my help, which may eventually include me opening my mouth, but my friend also may need me to just keep my mouth shut for the time being.

Clearly, since I like to write in a blog, and talk, and gossip, I am not always the best secret-keeper. Sometimes, the thoughts just come right out of my mouth and I instantly choke back a squeal of regret. I have to think about what I say very carefully. It gets me into trouble at work, with family, and with my friends. I’ve regretted opening my mouth several times, especially when it masks my inability to lie (not bad lies, just the white lies you have to tell your parents so you don’t get grounded or lectured or whatever).

I’ve never been good at standing up for myself, but I have always been great at talking and gossiping. I’ve also never been good at lying or hiding anything.

This time, though, it’s imperative that I keep my mouth shut. Even if it tortures me. Even if I have to write fifty-trillion blog posts about how much it stinks that I have to keep secrets. Someone is depending on me for mental and emotional support, and asked me to keep something a secret. I should be honored.

It’s kind of nice to feel that I’m depended on. I think that with all the will-power I possess, I might be able to do my duty and be a good friend this time.

I might possibly be on my way to my recovery and becoming a better person.


4 thoughts on “secrets.

  1. Ah, never keep a secret that will destroy you on the inside. That being said– secrets are powerful currency if people can learn to trust you with them. It’s not a bad reputation to have.

    • I don’t think it will destroy me. I honestly think that not being able to keep secrets is one of my biggest character flaws, and I look forward to the challenge this secret brings. My friend will definitely need my support and it’s nice to feel needed. Thanks for your comment!!

  2. Maybe it’s a good learning experience to keep your mouth shut even though it’s torturing you. I just read a quote on someone else’s blog that said something to the effect that “the things that most irritate us most help us to understand ourselves”

    • I absolutely love that quote! It sums up more than just this kind of experience, don’t you think. I definitely have to keep reminding myself to breathe when other people’s habits annoy me. Maybe they are busy, maybe they don’t realize what they did, or maybe they are just living their own life. I have to take many deep breaths to not get extra irritated in these moments. Thanks for reading & commenting!

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