hope.

We often find ourselves at a dead end street. Alone. Heartbroken, grieving, losing our minds. There is no sense behind these feelings. We know that was has happened to us was wrong, and yet, we are the ones who have tried to fix it.

You can’t fix other people. You can’t even change other people. The other people need the motivation to change themselves and then the change is a huge process. You can either sit there and try and force them to change, which won’t work, or, you can let it go.

Letting go can be viewed in a negative way, but I believe that we can let go positively.

For example, I can’t force someone to be friends with me who doesn’t want to be my friend. 

This was a really difficult concept for me to understand as a child. Why doesn’t that popular girl want to be my friend? Why doesn’t that boy have a crush on me? Why is it so difficult for me to meet new friends? I wasted a lot of time on people, who in the end, didn’t remotely matter in the grander scheme of things.

I have also had friends who come and go, as an adult, and we just pick up right where we left off when we see each other again. I have friends that are acquaintances and then one day they turn into my closest friends. I have friends that might move away or get married or find a boyfriend and buy a house and barely have time to talk to me. It just sucks. There’s no other word to describe how losing touch with a close friend feels.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t have my best friend from two years ago as my current best friend. That is a simple fact. That is not going to change anytime soon because when I tried harder to fix things, I only was pushed away. This is okay. This is probably what I needed before the friendship simply drained me of anything I had left. In the meantime, I was lonely for a while, but I have made some great friends since then. Great friends who are loyal and would never betray me like I was betrayed.

I have persevered with meeting new people and the result is something I could never have even imagined. I have people in my life who want to stop by my house every single day. I have people who text me every single day just to say hi. I don’t have to hear my friend cry about the same problems over and over and then completely ignore my advice only to do the same thing the next day, and the next day. I have people who text me just to say hello. I have people who are willing to kick anyone’s butt if he or she crosses me the wrong way.

I feel incredibly lucky to have changed my friendships for the better. I also feel lucky that this ex-best friend is still an acquaintance in my life. It gives me a little bit of hope that someday when she is ready to be a good friend then maybe we will be able to try again. We won’t be best friends anymore. I’ve already got people who lighten my load. However, I am no longer sad about it.

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2 thoughts on “hope.

  1. People are like puzzles. Hanging with the wrong crowd gives the impression that we just don’t fit in. I’m glad that you have found those that complement you 🙂

    • I definitely agree that people are like puzzles. It has taken a lot of effort, patience, and kind words to allow me to find my current friends. A lot of acquaintances that I thought could be friends have passed me by, but now I feel like I finally have a “home” with friends. ❤

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