This was today’s Writing 101 challenge:
“Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more.“
And here I am, trying to be less of the pessimist that I am, and Writing 101 is giving me freaking prompts about sad stuff. Ugh. I just have to think of puppies, rainbows, and butterflies I guess. The twist is that the topic I pick today is the topic I have to write about three times in a row, let’s hope I am up to the challenge…
When it comes to loss, I think I have touched upon a few of the things I could potentially write about: my ex boyfriend, my ex boyfriend’s amazing family, members of my family that have passed on, moving, self-esteem, dwindling hope, etc… I have also touched upon the issues that I was having with my friend who wasn’t treating me very well, and my qualms about that incident. I know there’s not a lot I can do about most of these losses. I can’t bring back pets or people from the dead, but I can look forward to seeing them in heaven someday, I keep reassuring myself. I can’t get back the time that my ex wasted, but I can keep trying to be a better person than he ever will be. I can’t change the fact that my mom made me move when I was ten and it still haunts me, but I can change what I do in my future.
A loss that occurred in my life that shocked my world in a big way was the one of my best friend’s betrayal. We used to talk every day, if not on the phone, than via text message. My best friend was always there for me when I needed her, and I stuck up to other people for her in her moments of weakness when she asked for my help. We had each other’s backs. We knew each other’s families and deepest, darkest secrets.
After my break up with douchey ex boyfriend, I was extremely lost, and not really myself anymore. I was so angry. I can’t even begin to describe how angry. I wanted boys to like me or chase me so that I could only hurt them intentionally. I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn’t stop myself. I could not separate myself from the bad hurt parts of my soul that were trying to take over my life. It took tons of time, but eventually I was able to stop the anger from taking control of my life. However, it came at a huge cost.
I hurt one of my closest guy friends by mistake, and it did not make me feel better. The reason he became hurt was due to my best friend betraying me. Now, over a year later, me and the guy friend are on great terms. He is, in fact, still one of my closest friends, to this day. The betrayal of my best girl friend resulted in the demise of the friendship between her and myself. I was the one, after the tears had been shed, the yelling had happened, the apologies were made, who put in the effort to try and fix the friendship. I was not the one who had betrayed her, she had betrayed me, and yet, the friendship, to this day, has not returned.
We don’t ever talk, let alone every day. We don’t see each other anymore. We don’t Skype or FaceTime or shoot each other random text messages. We don’t laugh the way we used to laugh at stupid things that don’t make anyone but us laugh. The only thing I’m left with is the memories of what a great friendship we used to have, and now the feeling that we are simply acquaintances and friends no longer.
My advice to myself and others is this: if you know someone is hurting, and not in their right mind, take a long hard moment before you do something about it. Use your brain and analyze why they are in so much pain, and if it is okay for them to feel this pain. Maybe the way they are expressing the pain is not right, but the pain itself is justified. That should be okay. That does not EVER warrant a betrayal of a friendship. It’s simply not worth it. We could potentially have still been friends if she hadn’t gone about running her mouth and twisting my words and lying about my feelings instead of just telling me the way I was acting was not okay. In the long run, she is the one who lost the friendship that she claimed was so important to her. If your loved ones are important, you don’t betray them. If you care at all, the loss you will experience will not be worth it.