music.

Today’s writing 101 prompt was:

Write about the three most important songs in your life — what do they mean to you?

My immediate thought was, well, I can’t even think of one song, let alone three. However, music, in general, has always been a huge part of my life. My dad is a classically trained opera singer and I was singing with him as a toddler before I could even talk. I took piano lessons for ten years, and joined chorus and music camps for several years as well. I have always loved singing along with my favorite songs, writing song lyrics, and singing random made-up songs at the top of my lungs when I am alone.

The first song that (eventually) popped into my mind is “Fix you” by Coldplay. I have always been a huge Coldplay fan, and I hope some day to be able to see them in concert. This song is my inspiration for what I hope to achieve as a writer someday. I can just see it now, in my future screen play or novel, two lovers running towards each other in the pouring rain, wanting nothing more then to kiss each other and rekindle the romance. Two lovers who have made mistake after mistake and realize that they can do better since they belong to one another. The song “Fix you” reminds me that we are all fighting our own battles, and that it’s perfectly okay to rely on one another to get through each day.

It reminds me that sometimes each and everyone of us might need an open hand waiting for us to finally feel like we can progress. It reminds me that we can all have our bad days, but we can recover from them. I think the most important part is that it always inspires the creativity inside of me, even if for a fleeting moment, even if it takes me years to write the ideas I have down in my head, it reminds me that I will someday get it done.

My second song is “I Hope You Dance” by Lee Ann Womack. You can chuckle at my cheesiness, or you can appreciate my love of fond memories… either way… This song fills a huge place in my heart. This song was the one my class chose to sing at our sixth grade graduation, signifying our release from being the oldest fifteen kids in a tiny village school, to joining the horrible social awkwardness of middle school and the real world. This song is my reminder that the people in my life believed in me when I was thirteen and they still probably hope that I am out in the world making a difference.

We also sang this song for our principal a few years later when she retired from her long teaching career. I sometimes think of this lady and wonder how she is doing. She certainly made a difference in my life as my principal and my brother’s life as she was also his kindergarten teacher. I admired her hard work and her strength, and I hope that if I someday choose to join the teaching profession that I am as dedicated and persevering as she once was towards me and my peers.

The third song that all of a sudden popped into my head (phew- it was getting difficult to think of another one) is “Watching Airplanes” by Gary Allan. The song was originally written for Gary’s wife, Angela, who was a flight attendant who committed suicide. When I first heard the song, it was not in relation to suicide; it was when my ex boyfriend had decided to go teach English in a Europe and had chosen to go regardless of the fact that he still had me here as his girlfriend.

I was waiting for him for months, eleven, to be exact, and the whole time he was off finding himself with other women (or one woman as far as I know). But still. I was here waiting, and each and every time I saw an airplane I often wondered why he didn’t love me enough to pick a country that we both would love to visit or why he had chosen to go abroad and why it was more important than staying with me. I can honestly say this song represents one of the biggest challenges in my life: how does one go about their lives after waiting for someone for a year only to find out that the person cheated and is engaged to someone else, behind one’s back?

I advise anyone who is ever in my position where someone considers their own well-being over that of what’s best for the relationship in its entirety to reconsider if the relationship is truly important. I wonder if that makes sense? All I know is that my biggest regret is not losing him or being cheated on, it’s the fact that I let it go on for so long. I had my doubts, but I honestly really did not know he was cheating up until the year mark. I could have saved myself a lot of pressure if we had sat down and had the serious discussion before he even left the country, but I thought that love was strong enough to keep us together.

I honestly can say, love, by itself, is not strong enough. I might be pessimistic, I don’t really care though. I will never know if he truly loved me, and that’s something I will wonder for the rest of my life unless something can stop me from obsessing over it. I hope I will be eventually able to let it go. This song represents the pain inside of my soul that was caused by me simply letting another person have my heart and the anguish it caused. It represents my desire to feel whole, once again. It represents me wondering the facets of how another person could go and do what my ex did to me: not the cheating part, but the time that he stole from me and wasted when he was living his life in a way where he was acting like I did not exist.

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