I am so much better off being single and staying away from the dating world completely. I haven’t completely lost hope: I know someday I’ll end up with an almost perfect husband, a great career, and some cute kids. I, however, am sick and tired of feeling unlucky and I think there are many other ways and places that I can put and show my creative energy.

In the past two years, I have suffered from a major heart break that almost knocked me completely over. That was followed by one of my best guy friends confessing to me that his every happiness depended on my happiness. I don’t want to hear that from a boyfriend I’ve been with for years, let alone anybody else. I think that our happiness should come from inside of us and only be strengthened by those around us.

Needless to say, that friendship was put on a hiatus again. I then reconnected with a guy from my past, I assumed we were just friends, but he too, completely flabbergasted me. He told me that I deserved to be treated like a princess for a change. Well, I don’t want to be treated like a princess. I don’t want to be spoiled and to be bothered by a guy every single day. I went through that and it didn’t end well for me. What I want is to be appreciated. I want someone to just tell me that they are thinking of me and take me out to dinner.

There is a third example of the stupidity of men that I’ve had to deal with. Another male that I live nearby has gone to texting me at 2 am what I am doing. I hate this kind of attention. I am not looking for a booty call, I don’t wish to just randomly have sex with you just because you are attracted to me. This does not fly even if I have known you for a while. If you knew me at all, you would understand that this is not me.

And then, there is the FOURTH example, which is the most recent one, that completely DUMBFOUNDS me. An acquaintance decided that he would ask me out for drinks/dinner, and I said yes, not really knowing the guy at all. He then proceeds to text me every night to see if I am free, but it’s always when I am sleeping. Then he calls me one night and we make plans to have our dinner date and he tells me to dress nice and which restaurant he will be taking me to, and that he’s excited or whatever. The next day, I don’t hear from him and when I explain my frustration, he tells me that he’s drunk.

I then give it another shot, the next day, knowing we are both home from work, asking if he will hang out. He says yes, let me run my errands first. He then ignores me for a while, I call him and he says he will call me when he is done with his errands. Does he call me? No. And this is a guy who was literally obsessed with me for a week and was saying the nicest things and asking my friends for advice. “I really like her. How do I get to know her better?”

For starters, I am not some damn booty call. If you knew me at all, you would get that. Yes I like to dress up when I go out, and I was flirty with you because I was attracted to you, not because I was going to sleep with you any time soon. But why do guys do this stupid bull shit game? As soon as I acted interested, the guy completely lost interest in me. It’s fine that you don’t want to hang out with me, so then, just let me be. Why are you in my head?

This is why I’m staying single. I am tired of feeling so unlucky when I put in effort, tired of feeling unlucky when I show no emotion towards a guy and he completely freaks me out. Life is too short guys. If you ask a girl out, please stick with it. Please don’t put her through every emotional hoop you can possibly think of, supporting every single stereotype that girls have developed in their minds. If a girl tells you that she has been cheated on and you can’t deal, just fess up and be honest. I’m sure you feel all macho since you don’t have to deal with “damaged goods” but if  I was actually damaged, I wouldn’t be able to stop talking to you and put you in your place when you bail on that date that you drunkenly set up and then completely “forgot about”.

I’m tired of feeling unlucky as everyone around me gets engaged, married, buys houses, gets a new degree or a new job, or simply has a successful date. I haven’t had a date since 2012, and I’m frankly sick of trying.


One thought on “unlucky.

  1. “I think that our happiness should come from inside of us and only be strengthened by those around us.”

    “What I want is to be appreciated. I want someone to just tell me that they are thinking of me and take me out to dinner.”

    I love both of these. At least you know what you want.

    I just want to say that DO YOU. Don’t try. Sometimes when you stop trying, it happens. In the meantime, rock the single swag and check out some of my post I think you’ll like!


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