relief.

I just have to write a few quick words regarding a conversation I overheard this afternoon and how it made me think. About a year ago, well, just before the holidays, I was a wreck. I had caught my ex cheating on me officially in August (although I had had my doubts for months but did not want to believe it for a second), and life was pretty damn miserable. I could not stop thinking “why did this happen to me? I am a good person, I don’t deserve this kind of pain.”

I’m no better of now than I was then. That is an absurd statement, you may say. It has been a year and a half of heart breaking single status-ness, loneliness, depression, etc. (all the things that follow a break up). I should clarify: nothing about my life has changed since that moment relationship wise, and in most aspects. The only thing that has changed is that I went from working part time with special needs kids, and part time at dunkin donuts, to working full-time with special needs kids, and not working at dunkin donuts at all. WOW. What is going on here? I literally have been single since the moment I ended it. No kissing or any romantic dating or crap of any kind since August, 2012.

On the one year anniversary of the break up, August, 2013, I was trashed and sobbing in my favorite bar. And recently, I saw my ex with the girl he cheated with me on. Luckily I was in a car. Did I feel the anger that I felt a year ago? No way! What I felt was relief. Now I have no idea how I have gotten to this point. No idea. I was a mess. Absolutely.

Anyways, the conversation I overheard today was about someone I know who has a soon-to-be-ex-husband who is pining for her. He does anything he can to have contact with her, and he’s the one who cheated. Of course he regrets it. I feel so lucky that my ex did not fight for me. I feel so lucky that I was able to break contact with him completely, and the ONE time he contacted me asking (A) if my grandmother’s surgery had been successful and if she was okay and (B) that he needed his TV back, that I simply hit delete. I hit delete! Do you know how hard that had the potential to be? I made it so easy for myself. I cut him out completely and it has felt absolutely great.

Now, as 2014 begins and I am starting to finally feel happy, I feel this great surge of relief spreading all over me. I don’t have to talk to him. Hell, I even got out of a situation where I would have to work in the same school as him. Let’s face it, any guy who goes abroad to find a “wife” to bring back to the United States, while having his American girlfriend as a back-up plan, is kind of an idiot. She does not want you for your money or looks or love. Let’s face it. Good riddance.

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